Scary thoughts

**The following post written on Jun 3 2009 at 11:07**

Dear all,

It has been a blessing for me to spend some wonderful time with my beloved parents these days. Yesterday, we went shopping and got some good deals (best buy: a zip-up sweater for $5). Today, I helped putting metal fence up around my mom's veggie garden in attempt to fence off those hungry rabbits. All in all, the time at home has been beyond precious and restful, and I finally feel that Statesboro, GA. is my home and not just a place that we moved to two years ago before I attended college!

I've been having some rough times and scary thoughts recently with myself. It's been very hard for me to think that the time I will be able to spend with my parents is getting less and less. I've realized I won't be able to spend much time with my parents at all if my plannings go well in the coming winter and summer breaks. And this doesn't get better as I become older and probably getting married one day. I just can't quite imagine a life without having enough of my parents.

Another scary thought I've been having is through finding pride in others lately. Seeing their pride really reminds me of my own, and I'm scared to think how people feel when seeing my pride. This led to thinking whether people like me in the Chinese church because I've been very involved and pushy with the ministries I was in. Being away from Bloomington doesn't help soothing my concerns because I couldn't tell how people think of me by observing them.

My scary thoughts finally settled when Jason and Joy each spent a long time talking to me last night. They were just so loving and great and their explanation has helped putting things back into proportion for me. Praises to the Lord for He's known me well and has put the most loving and wonderful people in my life!

It is hard to remember sometimes that everything is in God's sovereign hand, and things only happen if God allows it to happen. Although many of my worries are less than a speck of dust in comparison to eternity, my awesome God still cares and only does what is best for me. My scary thoughts may have been bothering me for a long time, but they have happened to remind the greatness of God and that He is in control.

And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose.
Romans 8:28

Whatever happened, happened, and whatever will happen, will happen-- all in God's will. I pray to continue to trust and love God with all my heart, soul, and strength! And until I can trust in Him and love Him completely, I pray to be reminded often of who He is.

Love,
Anna